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We live in an era when we imagine everything we do, think, and say should be perfect. From sporting an ideal hairstyle to a fabulous relationship, people do their best to stay on the ball. Otherwise, they might be rejected like yesterday’s leftovers. The media presents descriptions and images of couples in seemingly miraculous relationships. No one fights or has a hair out of place. They aim to please one another and are appropriate in every way. However, the truth be known, their faultlessness is a sham.

You might be friends with couples who set up the illusion of complete intimacy and extraordinary love. They are attentive and kind, responsible, amiable, and sweet to each other. The fantasy creates an issue for you since you believe what you see and hear is real. In reality, such relationships don’t exist. However, some couples are great at make-believe and try to generate the right image. You, however, compare your relationship with those glazed in roses and sunshine and fear you’re making mistakes.

Couples who want others to think they have excellent partnerships fear rejection. They want to be acknowledged and admired, and the fantasy helps them achieve their aim. Behind closed doors, though, a great deal of frustration and anxiety occurs. No one can keep up such pretense without the gut-wrenching discomfort of feeling misunderstood. However, the reality is still traded for a glossy, airbrushed picture of transcendence.

Whether people want to appear spectacular on their Facebook page or be envied for their relationships via Instagram, they put themselves under pressure. You can’t stop them seeking to be seen in the way they want, but you can make sure you aren’t taken in by their delusions.

All couples fight. They have ups and downs and sometimes hit rough patches that make staying together demanding – this need not be seen as failing since its part of learning and personal growth. If you never met challenges, and your partner didn’t push your buttons occasionally, you wouldn’t have the chance to review difficulties and figure out what you want in life.

When you notice couples who feign perfection, take their illusion lightly. Their seemingly beautiful behavior and love aren’t all they suggest. Focus on the health of your relationship rather than watching others, knowing it’s alright to disagree and row with your partner sometimes, and doing so can bring you closer.

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How Do I Get Out Of A Wintry Rut? I Dream About Spring Of Course!

Winter is the perfect time for working on a landscape plan to spruce up your curb appeal. Working on a plan you can put into action once the weather warms up is almost therapeutic. Yes, dreaming of flowers, shrubs, birds, bees and all that comes with springtime helps make winter tolerable. (And I am not ashamed to say it!)

How to Start Dreaming

If you have photos of your property to work with, great. If not, you can easily access photos of your property on Google Maps. Google Maps presents opportunities to look at your property at varying time frames and from various angles. Some photos will show upgrades you’ve already made. Using photos like this is a great way to start your landscape dreaming and planning.

The reason for referring to photos is to look at your property’s curb appeal so you can decide what needs a boost. Is it time to remove that big old creepy-looking tree? Is a shrub overshadowing your front door? Is a flower bed too small to have an impact? Would a couple of flower-filled urns on either side of your driveway add pizzazz? Is a falling over retaining wall detracting from your curb appeal? Do you simply crave more privacy or color?

Online or magazine photos of other properties can give you ideas for what upgrades you might want to include. There’s no better time than winter to flip through colorful inspiring garden magazines. You can even do a Google search of properties in your favorite locations. You can swoop over to France or Italy or down to California or Georgia if you’d like. Of course, climates vary and similar plant materials may not thrive in your area.

What to Plan

Start your plan by assessing the shape and flow of your walkways and adjacent plantings. Do they work? What needs improvement? What does your budget allow for? Is this the year to add a retaining wall or new sidewalk?

Assess the foundational plants on your property. This includes evergreens and deciduous trees that form the backdrop and framework for everything else. Are they balanced? Is something overtaking the area? Would it help to add a few more tall shrubs to provide an attractive background for other plantings?

If the existing shrubs, trees, and hard surfaces are in good shape and appealing, your plan might simply include adding colorful flowers.

Use Winter for Research

Some garden centers close for the winter, so use this time to research possible additions. Then if need be, find a contractor. Being first on a contractor’s list will ensure your dream sidewalk or patio becomes a reality early in the season.

Research the trees, shrubs, or perennials you might want to add to ensure they meet the hardiness of your area. Research blooming phases and predicted sizes of matured trees and shrubs ensuring there will be no future overcrowding.

Adding new flowerbeds may necessitate cutting out some turf. Will you be up for the challenge or should you contract that work out? And chances are several inches of quality planting soil and mulch will be needed to top up garden beds. Would you bring this in by a dump truck? Would you buy it in bags and dump it yourself?

Winter can also be a great time to look at options for growing your own plants from seed, bulbs, or dry roots. Getting plants started indoors can be a fun project.

Landscaping and gardening can become addictive yearlong hobbies. Once you see the plants you’ve installed grow and bloom and notice the dramatic difference small changes make, you’ll be proud of your accomplishments. Not only will a well-designed landscape make your property look good, it will become a fun place to dabble in and to admire all year long.

by Joy R. Calderwood

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